Saturday, September 22, 2018

Book Teaser: "Much Ado About Carbs"

Carbohydrates are organic compounds with the empirical formula Cm(H2O)n; that is, it consists only of carbon, hydrogen, and oxygen atom ratio of 2:1. What does that mean? I have no idea. In biochemistry, carbohydrates are also known as monosaccharides, disaccharides, oligosaccharides, and polysaccharides. (As Shakespeare put it: “Carbs by any other name would still taste as sweet.”) Basically, carbs are flavor molecules. They make food delicious. Actually, they work hand-in-hand with calories, which also make food taste better. And fat. Fat helps flavor, too. But I’m not supposed to have any of them.

Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

Friday, September 21, 2018

Book Teaser: "Irish Dancing as Performed by Roofers"

As I write this, the roof above me is getting reroofed, and from the sound of it, the roofers are performing Irish step dances. Thumps, shouts, crashes, and indistinct shouting (that could be Gaelic, but I suspect it is not) are all taking place up there and sometimes on the ground as they fall off.

Yes, they do fall off the roof. I actually got to see one of them do that. He rolled off the carport nearly in front of me. Naturally, his fellow workers sprang into immediate action showing their concern.

One of them called, “Hey, you okay?”

The one on the ground said, “(Expletive), yeah.”

And then everyone laughed uproariously, except me, of course, because I had to rush inside to see if my home insurance would cover a liability claim if someone did get hurt while working on my property. I already knew it didn’t cover other people’s pets who wander into large model rockets.

Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

Thursday, September 20, 2018

Book Teaser: "I Can Drive 55; I Don't Wanna"

Okay, I can understand running out of blinker fluid. It happens. Apparently. Let’s not get up on our high horse about that. After all, when was the last time you had your car’s blinker fluid level checked?

But this whole I-don’t-see-the-stop-sign-so-it-doesn’t-exist thing, that’s odd. I don’t understand it. Toddlers believe something similar; that’s why peek-a-boo is such a hit with them. You disappear for a moment, and then you miraculously reappear. You’re the most amazing person they’ve met in their short life! Of course, that feeling doesn’t last, and by the time your toddler has grown into a teenager, you’re quite possibly the dumbest parent who has ever walked the earth and only put here to “totally” embarrass her/him. Which you should do at each and every opportunity. It’s your duty.

Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

Wednesday, September 19, 2018

Book Teaser: "The Burden of Beauty"

I just had a sudden insight that I’m sure may have escaped your attention. Well, don’t feel bad. After all, I’m a genius, and you’re not. But you have a sweet spirit and will probably be spared when I crush the thrones of this earth under my booted heel. But that’s not a promise. Stop being so needy.

Anyway, my insight was about The Burden of Beauty. The capitals on The Burden of Beauty should clue you in that this will be our topic. Or really my topic. I’m writing, and you’re reading. It’s good to keep those roles straight. Yes, it’s true that beautiful people get the best jobs, make the most money, get better care in emergency rooms and hospitals, receive more respect from their peers and loved ones, and live longer. These statements are all supported by real statistics, not ones I made up.

Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

Book Teaser" "Needs Something More"

This morning I got up at five and thought I’d watch the sunrise. As I watched the scarlet fingers of dawn stretch across the majestic vault of the sky, I thought, Hmm, it could do with a bit of dramatic music and maybe a car chase or two. By sharing that, you might think I’m blind to the wonders of nature. Not true. I just feel nature is better behind a TV screen, door, picture window, wall, moat, 20-foot-tall electrified fence with guard posts every 30 feet...because nature frankly never saw a human that it didn’t want to bend, fold, perforate, or eat.

Yes, I know, Disney has made you think that nature is filled with lovable bunnies, cute ducks, and adorable deer. Did you know that deer cost us over 4 billion dollars in property damage and medical bills each year by their habit of jumping in front of moving cars in their imitation of trainspotting? And the number of people shot by bunnies with guns stagger the imagination! Truly, it would. I can’t even discuss the fowl things ducks do.

Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

Monday, September 17, 2018

Book Teaser: "That Buzzing Sound You Hear"

It’s time for the sounds and smells of summer: barbecue, people splashing in pools, coconut suntan lotion, happy laughter, freshlymown lawns, all is happy, happy, happy as people rejoice in the sunlight—except for me, of course, since I’ve been hiding in my darkened house as soon as the flocks of mosquitoes started returning from whatever nightmarish place they spend the winter.

Yes, I know that supposedly they lay eggs that somehow survive the winter’s cold, and those eggs hatch into larvae, which grow up to suck blood and lay more eggs to survive the winter, but I don’t believe it. Have you ever seen a mosquito nest? Me, neither. What really happens is they follow the sun to torment South Americans. Mosquitoes live many years, and all of them speak fondly of me, their Promised Land of white, soft skin that conceals the most delicious and nourishing liquid.

Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

Sunday, September 16, 2018

Featured Blog: Kelley Benson's Books

What Word Best Describes You?
By Kelley Benson

What word best describes you? Or perhaps what word would you hope other people would use to describe you? I’ve been to some funerals where the congregation was asked that question to describe the deceased. In that exercise, it's interesting to see how many characteristics are told about someone.

Truth is, we can see the same person from different perspectives. What about God? What word do we attribute to God’s character?
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Saturday, September 15, 2018

Book Teaser: "Taking Aim at Cupid"

Ordinarily in February, I make a few disparaging remarks about Valentine’s Day, or “Passover” as I call it in my house, but never within earshot of any of my Jewish friends as they do get the joke, but they don’t think it’s funny, and I hate it when they go all Samson on me.

But this year, I’ve decided to direct our attention to that clothing challenged archer who wings around shooting people with arrows to make them fall in love with people guaranteed to ruin their lives. I don’t understand Cupid.

Oh sure, I get the metaphor that love is like a sharp weapon that pierces your spleen and makes you hemorrhage to death while your lover runs off with your best friend, but beyond the obvious, what’s up with him?

Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

Friday, September 14, 2018

Book Teaser: "A Tale of Two Goldfish"

I bought another fish recently to keep Churchill, my fancy goldfish, company. It’s a fantail goldfish, and its name is Bo. The other fish at the store had apparently heard of me. While my back was turned, I quite clearly heard the phrase “aquarium of death” bubbled around. I ignored them.

As I checked out, the clerk leaned close to me and asked, “Do they fry up good?” Apparently, she thought I had been buying so many goldfish because I was dipping them in batter and serving them with chips on the side. I didn’t reply, just smiled and shook my head, even though everyone knows you can’t fry goldfish. (You have to bake them in a low-temperature oven—or so I’ve heard.)

Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

Thursday, September 13, 2018

Book Teaser: "What Did You Say?"

I’ve been accused of not paying attention more than once in my life. By teachers, parents, siblings, girlfriends, friends who are girls, just plain friends, fellow employees, teammates, etc., and who say I’m the poster child for Adult Attention Deficit Syndrome. I think it’s time to explain this once and for all—if I’m not paying attention, it’s because you’re not being interesting. If you’d step up your game, I’d be with you more.

Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Book Teaser: "My Fitness Goal—and, Yes, I DO Have One"

At the gym—yes, I was at the gym; that shocked expression doesn’t look good on you—I was asked what my fitness goal was. And I answered promptly, “I want to be one of those obnoxious skinny people.” You know the ones I mean: they eat like starving pigs, but they never gain weight. In fact, they are so used to their incredible metabolism burning fat like a Congressman spends money that they are baffled by people who are overweight.

Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

Monday, September 10, 2018

Book Teaser: "'Hamlet' or Another Four Hours I Won't Get Back"

You all know Hamlet by William Shakespeare is one of the greatest plays ever written. If you didn’t know, now you do, and you can go to bed knowing you learned one thing today.

You may be surprised to also learn I am not a fan of the play. Oh, I recognize the genius of it, and it has one of the most famous and moving soliloquies ever written (To be or not to be...) but frankly it doesn’t have a role for Dolly Parton, and I don’t like plays that preclude the chance of casting her. 

Read more in Floozy Comes Back on sale now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

Sunday, September 9, 2018

Featured Blog: Kelley Benson's Books

What Are We Teaching?
By Kelley Benson

School’s underway, and people are fitting into their busy schedules once again. Since our time is so precious, it seems we place a high value on efficiency. Efficiency is usually a good thing, and it even has a place in worship. However, saving time isn’t the goal when it comes to honoring our Heavenly Father for providing a way to spend eternity with Him in His home that is not bound by time. But we see these steps for easier worship in how we reduce the number of songs or verses, or encouraging shorter sermons, or even the statement often made during the time of offering, “This is separate and apart from the Lord’s Supper, but as a matter of convenience, we’re taking up an offering now.”
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Saturday, September 8, 2018

Book Teaser: "Je ne parle pas Fran├žais!"

I keep trying to learn French even though it’s obvious I will never master it with enough expertise to not horrify a Frenchman. I once had dinner in a French restaurant in Tulsa and attempted to impress the waiter with my French. With an expression on his face like he had a severe case of constipation, he attempted to repeat my order to me in bad English while I attempted to correct him in bad French. I would have gone hungry except the menu had pictures on it, so I was able to point at items and received excellent food. I’m not sure what it was, but it used a lot of garlic, cream, and butter, and how could you go wrong with that?

I don’t even know why I want to learn French. I have no particular desire to travel to France, although it seems lovely and they did give us the Statue of Liberty, which is much nicer than a gift card but not as easy to carry.

Read more in Floozy Comes Back available now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

Buy at Amazon

Friday, September 7, 2018

Book Teaser: "The Jonesmyth Expedition"

T’was a cold day in late December in fair London town in the meeting room of the Literary Works Explorers Club in the year 20— when Sir Neil “Nellybelly” Shanksview made a most audacious proposal: to mount an expedition of brave men to read the entire ‘Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act’ of the somewhat United Colonies of the Americas.

“By Finnigan’s foot, it’s not possible!” Brigadier Frogsworth “Froggy” Speartoad exclaimed and spilled his whiskey and goat milk.

“Compose yourself, Frog,” the forthright and handsome Lord Thomas “Pigsworth” Jonesmyth said calmly. “With the proper equipment and planning, such an expedition could be done in...let me think...in—”

“Eighty days!” interjected the youthful Martin “Martin” Cowpert.

Read more in Floozy Comes Back available now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

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Thursday, September 6, 2018

Book Teaser: "To a Fault"

Whenever something terrible happens, you should always ask yourself, “Is Stephen okay?” If so, then it’s not that terrible. At least not for me, and I’m sure we all agree that’s what’s really important. Naturally, I’m concerned about you, too, and will do anything to help you—as long as I’m not greatly inconvenienced or busy or my favorite shows aren’t on TV. I have to have priorities, which I know you understand because I’m such a high priority for you.

To a judgmental person, it might possibly sound like I’m self absorbed, but let’s be honest, if you were as awesome as me—if that were even possible, and frankly, it’s not—you’d be self-absorbed, too. I’m definitely marvelous. People are fascinated by me, particularly doctors who want to study me in a specially controlled environment.

Read more in Floozy Comes Back available now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

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Wednesday, September 5, 2018

Book Teaser: "The Fine Art of Sighing"

My old computer died. You would have thought I lost a beloved pet by the way I moped around my house for a couple of weeks. During that time, my answer to any question was a sigh of despair with a hint of brave long-suffering and a touch of woe-is-me. It was one of my finest series of sighs.

Not that I’m the master of sighing. No, that title belongs to my brother. He can create sighs that are the verbal equivalent of the Mona Lisa. For some unaccountable reason, I am the cause of many of his sighs, and I can tell you they are capable of making strong men weep or at least check to see if the tires of their cars are leaking. His sighs convey the overall theme of “my brother is nuts and why am I burdened with him” with layers of such emotions as “life is a mystery of sadness and joy” and “geese fly south in the winter as the year moves toward its end.”

Read more in Floozy Comes Back available now! Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

Buy at Amazon

Tuesday, September 4, 2018

Book Teaser: "Attack of the Flying Tapeworm"

A friend of mine got her first tattoo recently. She had wanted one for years, she told me, and she finally took the plunge. (Plunge being an apt word choice in this instance, as you will see if you keep reading and why wouldn’t you? It’s not like you have much of a social life.)

She wanted something “tasteful but cheerful.” She found an illustration of those charming but theologically unsound cherubs painted by the Renaissance artist Raphael and decided one of those cute winged angels would permanently fly on her left shoulder. She priced various tattoo artists and located one with the lowest prices. His establishment was clean, and he was courteous and professional.

All in all, an unremarkable event, except she probably should have found an artist who charged more.

Read more in Floozy Comes Back available now. Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

Monday, September 3, 2018

Book Teaser: "Way Too Hot"

I’ve always enjoyed warm weather. Bright sunshiny days lift my spirits and inspire me to break into happy songs, although I try to not do that at funerals or in court—anymore—because I’ve been told it’s disruptive.

However, we’re experiencing a run of hot weather here in Oklahoma that has daunted even me. Going outside and hearing your sweat sizzle can take the spring out of anyone’s step. And if you’re heavy like me, you soon realize that you have enough fat on you to fry yourself if you’re not careful. You would only need to add sides of mashed potatoes and collard greens to make a meal fit for any southern cannibal king.

Read more in Floozy Comes Back available now. Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

Sunday, September 2, 2018

Featured Blog: Kelley Benson's Books

Faith or Works
By Kelley Benson

Five hundred years ago, an event happened that challenged the biggest religious institution in the world… an event known as the Reformation Movement. Although it had been brewing for a couple centuries, Martin Luther is labeled as the father of the movement. What that movement did was expose many false teachings – one of which was the use of indulgences. It had been taught for a long time that your sins could be forgiven if you paid a certain amount of money to the church in restitution for your sins.
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Saturday, September 1, 2018

Book Teaser: "Catchy Tune, but Can You Cuss to It?"

The other day I heard a song on the radio. It had a catchy beat and noises that vaguely sounded like words. I liked it—right up until I got home and looked up the lyrics. Then I hunted down the singers, washed their dirty mouths out with lye soap, enrolled the boys in military school, and sent the girl singer to a nunnery. Then I shot their record producer and dropped his body in an alligator-filled swamp. Just a regular Saturday for me actually.

I think this means I am officially old and not in tune with modern music. In fact, I’m only a few years away from sitting on my porch and yelling for the neighbor kids to get off my lawn, those young snotfaces with their iPhone this and iPad that. They’re going to be mighty surprised when my iCane impacts their smart-alecky heads. They’ll probably run home crying, “iHurt! iHurt! iHurt!” Whiners. Or more correctly iWhiners.

Read more in Floozy Comes Back available now. Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

Sunday, August 12, 2018

Featured Blog: Paws & Reflect

The Loveless Church
By Kathy Akins

“I know thy works, and thy labour, and thy patience, and how thou canst not bear them which are evil: and thou hast tried them which say they are apostles, and are not, and hast found them liars:
And hast borne, and hast patience, and for my name’s sake hast labored, and hast not fainted.
Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love.” 
Revelation 2:2-4

A few years ago there was a British comedy called Keeping Up Appearances. The main character, Hyacinth, wanted so badly to be part of high society, that she would regularly get herself and her husband, Richard, into an embarrassing situation by pretending it was so. She looked good on the outside, but when you examined deeper, trouble brewed within.
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Tuesday, July 24, 2018

Featured Blog: Paws and Reflect

Biblical Friendship
By Kathy Akins

 “And David saw that Saul was come out to seek his life: and David was in the wilderness of Ziph in a wood. And Jonathan Saul’s son arose, and went to David into the wood, and strengthened his hand in God.” 1 Samuel 23:15-16

Many wise and intelligent scholars, doctors, and scientists have studied the subject of relationships for years. A chemical in the brain is said to trigger the level of response and the type of love for those who share a bond. The interesting thing about this is that it’s not unique to humans. Animals feel love too. They can have relationships with other animals and with humans. Our Lord has instilled that emotion in all creatures.
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Sunday, July 22, 2018

Featured Blog: Kelley Benson's Books

Great Expectations
By Kelley Benson

Every Sunday we meet together to worship God, and part of that worship contains a ceremony designed to connect us emotionally and symbolically to what makes having a genuine relationship with God possible – we call it The Lord’s Supper. Instituted by Christ on the night He was arrested (Matthew 26:26-28), during the Feast of Passover, Jesus took time to make a connection for them with something that had been planned since the beginning of time. He said to them, “This is My body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of Me… this cup is the new covenant in My blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of Me” (1 Corinthians 11:24-25).
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Monday, July 9, 2018

Featured Blog: Heath Stallcup Author

Unfinished Business
By Heath Stallcup

I think I’m nuts.

I mean, I know I am. Or maybe just a tad ADHD? Either way, I’ve got all of these stories bouncing around in my head and some of them just SCREAM to be released. Others just repeat on a loop until I either use it somewhere or find a way to burn it out of my grey matter. Like a lot of writers, I have more ideas than I have time to actually write them. I could probably fill a library if I could write them as fast as I think them up.

Some ideas, I start…then lose interest. They’ll sit on my hard drive and wait…sometimes patiently, sometimes not so patiently. Hence the Hunter trilogy. That was an idea that refused to go away until I started it. Then it took on a life of its own and went a completely different direction than I intended. The three people who read it really seem to have enjoyed it.
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Sunday, July 8, 2018

Featured Blog: Kelley Benson's Books

Are You Fighting The Good Fight?
By Kelley Benson

Ecclesiastes 7:8, “The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride.”

As a guy who has trouble finishing projects that I start, I completely connect with this statement. Finishing a project, and finishing it well, is a wonderful feeling and can be a huge relief. So, when I think about the words of Paul in 2 Timothy 4:7, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith,” I can’t help but think about how satisfying life can be at the end of it all – IF you’ve ran well.
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Sunday, June 10, 2018

Saturday, June 9, 2018

"Country Life"


Enjoy this new anthology from the Prosateurs! Inside its covers, you'll find short stories, recipes, humor, articles, memoirs, and more!

Friday, June 8, 2018

"Unexpected"


Enjoy this new anthology from the Prosateurs! Inside its covers, you'll find short stories, recipes, humor, articles, memoirs, and more!